This is Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Enjoy this day steeped in mystery, tradition, and most importantly CANDY!!! I challenge you to look up the origins of your favorite Halloween tradition. You might be pleasantly surprised, or extremely creeped out! Halloween traditions range from the ever so practical to the flat out odd. I also enjoy seeing little babies in their costumes. SO CUTE. And I don't care what other people say, I think mommy-daddy-baby costumes are the CUTEST. Right now I am watching some SG-1, just for fun, but I think I will end my day with some hot cocoa, chicken casserole, and some Halloween movies! I'm open to suggestions. What are YOUR favorites?

ALkjsflakjdaslkjd;dlfkj!

Yeah that's what I said. That's about how I feel right now. Crazy and disorganized. I feel like November is about to get SUPER busy and I do not know if I can handle it. But we are starting the month out right, with a trip to the Great Lakes Brewery to celebrate Ryan and Dusten's birthdays. I am SUPER excited about that, not because I enjoy going to Brewery's, but because I haven't been out with adults our age for a night of fun in a LONG time. And I like Dusten and Ally, they're so much fun! We are hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and I am terrified that something will go wrong. I don't have a full menu yet. I am having 4-6 spend the night guests and no idea where everyone will sleep. Stress is NOT good for my body right now. Oh, did I forget to mention the 7 page paper I have due at the end of November? Yeah. I guess I had better work on that. This brings me to the biggest concern for November: Court. I want so badly to go and be there for her, to cheer and rejoice and thank God when it goes right and everything is back to normal. I want to be there on the off chance that it goes bad so I can help her off the ground and hold her hand until she finds the strength to get up and fight again. Unfortunately, this is an impossibility. So I will stay here, and I will pray. I will pray for favor and I will pray thanks when it goes the way it SHOULD. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It is time for this to end, and end well.

Fertile Weekend

So according to Fertility Friend, I will be fertile this weekend. Yay, right? Except that if I don't get pregnant, then I will worry that I'm not fertile at all. I can't help it. I know it sounds dumb, it takes most people anywhere from 4-12 months of TTC to get it right. And by all accounts this is my first normal cycle after starting the Metformin. So I guess we will see in about 20 days, which seems like an eternity to wait. I have a new respect for my friends who have struggled with infertility, and a realization that I don't understand half of what they went through, and are still going through. I hope my cycles stay even and I can conceive a healthy baby as soon as possible. Ryan will be 30 in a couple of days. I don't want to wait till he's too old to enjoy being a parent! Though I'm not sure he will enjoy it at all anyways. He's being so nonchalant about the whole process, and acting like I'm stupid for charting and worrying. Um, hello? Did you not hear about the disease that causes infertility that I have? Contrary to popular belief, getting pregnant isn't all that easy. I mean, if you're gettin it on without protection every day of the year, then yeah, sure, your chances of getting pregnant are higher. I'm frustrated. I guess I will be holding my breath for the next 20 days...

Have a laugh, on me!

Things that are irritating the snot out of me today.

The fact that this country seems to suffer from a delusion that a woman's body needs to be regulated and a corporation does not.

The fact that people call themselves Christians and then call for or rejoice in the death of anyone. "I will rejoice in the death of the sick, or old, for their suffering has ended and their reward will be great and long. But also I will mourn them for they have left a great void in the lives of the living."--Author unknown

The fact that there are people in this country who wish to get married and cannot. This does not apply only to homosexuals. It applies to anyone who wishes to marry, and for whatever reason, cannot.

People who use the word irregardless. 

People who tell you what you feel is irrelevant.

People who hate animals. 

People who assume that because you wear black nail polish (which I do, by the way...), dye your hair black, wear black, or listen to metal you worship the devil. In fact I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that less than .1% of the population are true Satanists. 

People think Halloween is a form of devil worship. Halloween is a form of pure, unadulterated childhood fun. Enjoy it.

People who don't appreciate my sense of humor.

Anyone who watches Jersey Shore.

And that's just what's irritated me so far today.

American Horror Story ~*If you want to watch the show and haven't, you may not want to read this*~

This show is freaking me the heck out. I had to stop watching it on Wednesday night and start watching it Thursday morning because it gave me nightmares. But I can't stop watching it. I wanna know how they all died. Because you know they are all dead. In fact in last night's episode we saw the neighbor shoot the maid, who just freaks me the heck out anyways. And what's up with burn guy?! Part of me wants to scream at them to move and get away from that place, but I really wanna know how this turns out. I love that house. Its beautiful. If you ever hear me ramble on about Craftsman style houses, this is a perfect example of one. According to the show history it was built in the 1920s, and from what I've seen that seems about right. I want to see more of the house. Not just more about the dead inhabitants. And while we're on that subject, are they ghosts, or zombies? We clearly just saw the body of the maid in the grave, but she isn't ethereal at all. So what is she? This is very much a show for people who are into the twisted, the freaky, and the flat out weird. You must posses imagination. You must keep an open mind. It isn't graphic, or gruesome, or gory really. Yes there is blood, but not a lot. Its more like a tragic history show than a horror show. I kinda like it.

I miss my sister...

And no I really don't want to talk to you about it. And yes I'm okay with it. Let's be clear about this. My sister is a bitch, a whore, and an all around horrible person. I'm thankful the drama level in my life is down about 98% since she's not in it anymore. I don't have to worry about her calling me in the middle of night from jail, or coming home crying because the latest week long love of her life left her. I feel like she's in a better place now, like she's capable of taking care of herself these days. That's a good thing. But I don't feel like either one of us is capable of a fulfilling relationship. I have a hard time explaining this to people. I miss her, I miss the sister I had, the one that picked me up and carried me around when my feet came down to her knees, the one that used to make my lunch just the way I liked it, and the one that taught me how to braid Barbie's hair. I do not miss the sister that falsely accused my mother, stole from me, lied to me repeatedly, ran off for months on end, and abandoned everything she loved for a man.  Those are things I am very content to live my life without, thanks so much. And don't even get me started on how much it ticks me off that she's been disrespectful to the woman who raised her like her own child, and never once treated her like she wasn't special. Even after all the crap she put her through, which, I'm here to tell you, was A LOT. But you know, my mother always went out of her way to make sure she was treated equally, and even though we celebrated our birthdays with one big party, she made sure we both had our own cakes, and our own presents, and our own friends, and so on. But was this appreciated? Nope. I guess all of this can be summed up in one smaller sentence. I miss the idea of a sister. I miss what a sister is supposed to mean. I understand you can't pick yours, you get what God gives you, but is it wrong for me to decide enough is enough? I don't think so. If she's okay with it, why shouldn't I be? I pray for her. I hope her life continues to improve. I do hope it does. Maybe the removal of me from it has been an improvement for her, I don't know, and I hope I never do. Maybe one day we'll reunite. We'll just have to see.

A sudden realization.

I had this odd thought in my head that if I was going to blog it had to be about something. Then the more I goofed off on StumbleUpon and the like, the more I thought: Say who? I mean, have you have read some of the crap out there? Yeah there's a lot of good information about a lot of good stuff (cooking, art projects, sewing, etc) but for the most part its people randomly babbling about whatever suits them at the moment. And this morning I made a point to a friend that brought me back here today. "The internet is the purest form of free speech there is;" I said. Oh so true. This doesn't need to be famous, or well read, or what the heck ever. It just needs to be some place I can write down whatever pops into my head whenever I feel like it. So fair warning to whomever may be reading this: you may be in for some insane babbling. Or some intelligent insight. Just whatever happens to be on my mind at the time...