I miss my sister...

And no I really don't want to talk to you about it. And yes I'm okay with it. Let's be clear about this. My sister is a bitch, a whore, and an all around horrible person. I'm thankful the drama level in my life is down about 98% since she's not in it anymore. I don't have to worry about her calling me in the middle of night from jail, or coming home crying because the latest week long love of her life left her. I feel like she's in a better place now, like she's capable of taking care of herself these days. That's a good thing. But I don't feel like either one of us is capable of a fulfilling relationship. I have a hard time explaining this to people. I miss her, I miss the sister I had, the one that picked me up and carried me around when my feet came down to her knees, the one that used to make my lunch just the way I liked it, and the one that taught me how to braid Barbie's hair. I do not miss the sister that falsely accused my mother, stole from me, lied to me repeatedly, ran off for months on end, and abandoned everything she loved for a man.  Those are things I am very content to live my life without, thanks so much. And don't even get me started on how much it ticks me off that she's been disrespectful to the woman who raised her like her own child, and never once treated her like she wasn't special. Even after all the crap she put her through, which, I'm here to tell you, was A LOT. But you know, my mother always went out of her way to make sure she was treated equally, and even though we celebrated our birthdays with one big party, she made sure we both had our own cakes, and our own presents, and our own friends, and so on. But was this appreciated? Nope. I guess all of this can be summed up in one smaller sentence. I miss the idea of a sister. I miss what a sister is supposed to mean. I understand you can't pick yours, you get what God gives you, but is it wrong for me to decide enough is enough? I don't think so. If she's okay with it, why shouldn't I be? I pray for her. I hope her life continues to improve. I do hope it does. Maybe the removal of me from it has been an improvement for her, I don't know, and I hope I never do. Maybe one day we'll reunite. We'll just have to see.